Having lived and breathed sport from a young age, I was surprised when, in my 20s and early 30s, life's inevitable challenges changed my body in ways I hadn't anticipated. Let alone desired.
Trying to force myself through those challenges and undo the changes, I embraced habits that lead me into a hole that took me years to climb out of.
I embarked on a relentless quest to reclaim my former physique, punishing myself for what I thought of as lapses in health discipline.
I became a proud member of the 5am club, cutting sleep and pushing myself to the limit every day, physically and mentally. I doubled down on exercise and reduced my calories to a minimum.
Despite my immense effort, it didn't bring back the body of my youth. What it did leave me with was adrenal fatigue, disordered eating, and a long, challenging journey of healing ahead.
Wellness Beyond Societal Expectations
In a world where our worth is measured by productivity, appearance, and adherence to societal standards, it’s no wonder that we often punish ourselves in the pursuit of health and wellness.
We go on strict diets, exercise with a “no pain, no gain” mentality, and lash ourselves for not reaching the perfect body. And by doing so, we are cannibalising our wellbeing.
The Punishment Paradigm
This vicious cycle of self-punishment begins early for many of us. We're taught to equate effort with worth, leading us to believe that the more we punish our bodies into submission, the more valuable we become. All in the name of health or some arbitrary, unrealistic goals we’ve set. Or at least goals that we thought we’d set.
But the consequences are far from healthy. Physical outcomes like burnout and disordered eating are just the tip of the iceberg. The mental toll—low self-esteem, chronic stress, and a disconnection from our bodies—is often even more damaging. And in most cases, the recovery takes a lot of undoing.
But there’s a more compassionate and, yes, more effective way to approach our health.
The Question That Leads to a More Compassionate Self-Care
Understanding why we pursue specific goals can reveal whether our actions serve us or are driven by self-criticism and external pressures.
Asking ourselves, "For what purpose?" is the path towards actions rooted in self-care.
Are we exercising because we love our bodies and want to feel strong or because we're chasing an unrealistic ideal? A more compassionate self-care requires us to shift our mindset away from actions that diminish our worth and towards actions that affirm who we are.
The Nourishment Approach
Nourishment covers all aspects of well-being, including physical activity, mental health, and spiritual (religious or secular) well-being. Nourishing practices support overall health and contribute to a sense of balance and contentment.
Steps to shift towards nourishment involve small, sustainable changes.
Integrating mindfulness into our eating habits, choosing movement that brings joy (even if it’s not always what we “should” be doing), and fostering positive self-talk are all steps in the right direction. These practices encourage a kinder, gentler relationship with our bodies and selves.
The idea is not to avoid things simply because we don’t like them but to find an approach that works for us.
For example, you might not enjoy the gym, but you can still get the same benefits by exercising at home or in a park. You might not like meditating, even though you understand its benefits. So you’ll leave your headphones at home and head outdoors for a peaceful walk in nature.
The goal is to move away from black and white, everything or nothing approaches, and lean into the grey. Even if it’s not what’s trendy or “optimal”.
A Change That’s More Than Just Habits
Going from punishment to nourishment is a transformation that transcends simple adjustments in our daily habits. It's about fundamentally changing how we view and treat ourselves, even the world around us.
This shift moves us away from the relentless pursuit of unattainable ideals and towards a place of acceptance, where we embrace our present selves with kindness and compassion. It’s about transforming our relationship with ourselves.
This evolution requires us to challenge long-held narratives about success and failure, health and wellness, and what it means to live a good life.
It invites us to question the punitive measures we've taken against ourselves in the past—whether through harsh diets, gruelling exercise routines, or negative self-talk—and to consider more nourishing alternatives.
This transformation has a ripple effect, extending beyond ourselves. As we become more compassionate with ourselves, we naturally extend that compassion outward, fostering healthier relationships and communities. And that’s exactly what it takes to make this shift sustainable.
Living a Nourished Life Takes a Village
In a culture where punitive measures are often glorified as the pathway to health and wellness, carving out a space for compassionate, nourishing practices can feel like pushing water uphill.
This transformation thrives on support, understanding, and shared experiences. A supportive community plays a big role in sustaining this shift. Surrounding ourselves with people who understand and support our journey toward compassionate health choices often makes all the difference.
Whether we get professional help, join a group that shares our interests, or simply have friends who respect our journey, community is vital to making this change last.
In the end, a nourished life is not just about our individual choices but about the collective support, understanding, and encouragement we receive—and give—in return.
Embracing The Journey of Self-Compassion
Through my trials and the trials of my clients, I’ve seen that this change is possible. From the relentless push towards an ideal that always seemed out of reach to the realisation that came with embracing my current self with kindness and compassion, I've learned that wellness transcends societal expectations.
This shift from punishment to nourishment isn't merely about changing habits. It's a transformation of how we relate to ourselves and, by extension, the world around us.
Adopting a more nourishing approach opens us to a life that celebrates our present selves. We acknowledge that wellness involves a balance of joy, mindfulness, and self-care that resonates with our values and needs.
The most profound changes often begin with a simple question: "For what purpose?" Let that question guide you towards choices that truly nourish you.
This Transformation Takes Time, Effort and Support
Just as a village raises a child, a nourished life requires the support of a compassionate community.
As a psychotherapist dedicated to fostering self-compassion and holistic wellbeing, I invite you to join me in exploring this transformative journey further.
Together, we can navigate the challenges and celebrate the wins of shifting from punitive measures to nourishing practices. By booking a consultation, you're taking the first step towards altering habits, fundamentally changing your relationship with yourself, and embracing a life marked by balance, contentment, and genuine well-being.
Book your consultation today, and let's walk this path together.
- Bec x
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