The first time I went to uni it was straight out of school.
I’d just finished my 13 years of learning and in that time I’d been dealing with a whole heap of outside stressors that led me to be completely burnt out by the time uni started. I managed for four years and then never went back.
Eight years later, after a stint in a graduate program (who knew it was possible without a degree) and a well-progressed career, I thought it was time to try again. This time, I was refreshed, but another issue presented itself. I was way ahead of where I left off. The content no longer felt relevant, and I again pulled out.
Something about that second "failure" led me to spiral into a belief that would weigh me down for many years - "I can’t finish anything I start. I must be lazy." The fear of being lazy has impacted so much of my life and led to further burnout in later years.
We all carry beliefs that shape the way we see the world and ourselves. Some are helpful, guiding us toward growth, but others? They keep us stuck.
These unhelpful beliefs tell us things like “I’m not good at public speaking” or “I am not a good parent.” These beliefs feel so real, so deeply ingrained, that we treat them as truths.
Just because we believe something doesn’t make it true
People once believed the earth was flat (some still do). They were so convinced that they were willing to fight for it, literally. That belief didn’t make the earth flat. But it sure felt true for them.
What’s your version of a flat-earth belief? What’s something you’ve held on to for so long that it feels like an unshakable truth?
The power of beliefs
Beliefs shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world. They inform our decisions, actions, and even our sense of self-worth.
But beliefs are not facts
Beliefs are simply thoughts we’ve repeated so many times that they’ve hardened into convictions.
For example, the thought, “I’m not good at public speaking,” starts as a whisper in your mind. Maybe it was planted there by a critical comment in childhood or an experience where you felt inadequate.
Over time, that thought can grow roots, embedding itself in your identity. And before you know it, it’s no longer a passing thought—it’s a belief.
The stronger the belief, the more convincing it becomes
We start to act in ways that reinforce it, and soon enough, we’ve built a whole narrative around it.
And yet, just like the belief that the earth was flat, it’s not based on truth but on perception.
Beliefs are constructions of our imagination
So, how do we recognise that these thoughts aren’t absolute truths?
It starts with awareness
You can’t change what you’re unaware of, so start by paying attention to the stories you’re telling yourself.
When you think, “I’ll never be able to do this” or “I’m just not capable,” pause. Ask yourself, “Is this really true, or is this just something I believe?”
You’ll often find little to no proof behind the belief—it’s just a feeling. And feelings, while important, aren’t always reliable narrators.
Once you’ve recognised a belief holding you back, the next step is to dismantle it.
Here’s how to start breaking free from unhelpful beliefs
1. Challenge the belief
“Where did this belief come from?” “Who told me this, and why did I accept it as true?”
When we start to question the origins of our beliefs, we often find that they were handed down to us by others or formed during a vulnerable time in our lives.
Understanding the source of the belief helps loosen its grip.
2. Reframe the belief
Instead of thinking, “I can’t do this,” try reframing it to, “I’m learning how to do this.” This shift in language may seem small, but it’s powerful.
Reframing moves you from a place of limitation to a place of possibility.
When you change your self-talk, you create space for new beliefs to take root—ones that support your growth instead of limiting it.
3. Gather new evidence
Start seeking out evidence that contradicts the old belief.
Have you ever done something you thought you couldn’t? Have you ever surprised yourself by achieving more than you expected?
These moments prove that the limiting belief isn’t the full story. The more you gather evidence that supports a new, empowering belief, the easier it becomes to break free from the old one.
4. Take small, courageous steps
Sometimes, the best way to break a belief is through action. Try taking one small step toward something that challenges that negative belief.
Each time you take action, you’re proving to yourself that you’re more capable than you once thought.
It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Even tiny steps create cracks in limiting beliefs.
The journey to the truth
Breaking free from limiting beliefs isn’t a quick fix. It’s a process—a journey of recognising the stories we’ve been telling ourselves and learning to write new ones.
Like all things involving self-growth, changing beliefs requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to be uncomfortable.
After all, stepping away from the beliefs we’ve held for years can feel unsettling, even scary. But it’s also the path to freedom.
Remember, just because something feels true doesn’t mean it is true
Back to “I never finish what I start.”After pivoting in a more “me” direction, I did finish the next and a long list of other qualifications. The first of those started as a challenge to my tightly held belief and once finished, became evidence that it was no longer true. Once that happened, the belief well and truly crashed down allowing me to flow through learning with enjoyment and ease.
The next time you catch yourself thinking, “I can’t,” or “I’ll never,” pause. Question it. Ask yourself, “Is this a fact or a belief?”
When we start to separate our beliefs from the truth, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and a deeper understanding of who we truly are.
And isn’t that what growth is all about?
- Bec x
Ps. If you need support in breaking free from limiting unhelpful beliefs, I'm here to help. Reach out today, and let's work together to uncover the truths that will empower you to live the life you truly deserve. You don't have to do this alone.
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