In our fast-paced world of endless obligations, it's all too easy to lose touch with who we are. We all have days, weeks, or even months when we feel completely disconnected from ourselves. These are times when life is crammed with responsibilities, making us feel like we’re outside observers of our lives. In these times you may even feel as though you’ve completely missed your week or that they’ve all become the same.
Taking time for stillness and space for introspection is exactly what we need when we feel like we don’t have the time for it. Hitting pause, even briefly, allows us to realign with our deepest values, callings, and sources of fulfillment.
But reconnecting with our true selves is easier said than done in today's world of constant distractions.
The Pull of Surface Living
It's so easy to get seduced by quick pleasures as a way to escape or numb out. Endlessly scrolling Instagram, binge-watching the latest must watch, and mindless food and alcohol consumption are ways to soften the blow of modern living.
I'm guilty of falling into some of these habits, using them as coping mechanisms against life's stresses.
But the problem is that when we tune out, we only distance ourselves further from our authentic selves. Those distractions feel soothing in the moment, but they’re a band-aid solution. What’s even worse, they often only increase the profound feeling of emptiness, leaving us unsettled and disconnected, longing for something more meaningful.
Quieting The Noise
Our minds chatter away with judgments, fantasies, rehashings of the past, and worries about the future. We're flooded with cyberspace, real-world chatter, and flickering screens everywhere. No wonder cutting through the noise and listening to our authentic voice is challenging.
To hear the callings of our innermost selves, we must first learn to quiet the loud outside noise and the nagging inner commentary that follows us everywhere.
This is where practices like meditation, journaling, and time in nature come in.
Meditation allows us to cultivate awareness and calm by focusing on the breath or a mantra. Mindfulness is the quality of being fully present and engaged with whatever is happening right now. Both can be a part of any spiritual, religious, or secular practice.
Self-compassion means treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we would a good friend — meeting our struggles with warmth and curiosity rather than harsh self-judgment. Even if getting to that point often takes a lot of practice.
When we intentionally cultivate stillness and silence, we create room for our deeper selves to finally speak up.
Follow the Inner Compass
The first hints may be a subtle gut feeling, a profound thought, or a creative spark while taking a shower or cooking dinner. Or it could happen in that brief moment after putting our kids to sleep, right before transitioning to yet another task on our to-do list.
Or perhaps it will call us through an experience that feels strangely, deeply “right” - like stumbling into a book club or discovering a new hiking trail that fills us with peace and connection.
When was the last time you felt truly, vibrantly yourself? Like you were living authentically and backed by the full force of your being?
For me, stillness provides an opportunity to connect with my intuition. It’s allowed me to make changes in the way I work, how I live and connect with my values, and recognise what I’ve been lacking in life.
It took me a long while to start paying closer attention to the trails my intuition laid out. By following those nudges, curiosities, and fleeting moments of calmness, I started redirecting my life in alignment with who I am at my core.
Embracing Vulnerability and Imperfection
One of the biggest reasons we often resist leaping into self-discovery is the fear of what we may find about ourselves. We’re afraid to learn our contradictions, darkness, and perceived flaws. But the real journey lies in vulnerability. Embracing all parts of ourselves, flaws and all.
Underneath everything else, we all just want to feel accepted, loved, and at home within ourselves.
This journey of self-discovery can feel scary and vulnerable at times. You may face the inner critic who tells you you're being selfish for taking this time or that looking inward is navel-gazing rather than productive. Especially when you’re already swimming deep in the obligations of raising a family and having a thriving career. You’re likely to doubt if you're "doing it right." It’s all part of the process.
Yet, the greatest obstacle to self-discovery is often the lack of self-compassion, which the intentional practice of silence can help overcome. Reconnecting with yourself is one of the most important investments you can make.
Silence as Self-Compassion
Silence is so powerful for self-connection because it creates space to offer ourselves compassion amidst all of the noise of harsh self-judgment and criticism. When we pause and allow stillness and calm into our lives, we make room to extend kindness to ourselves, to simply be with whatever arises without resistance or rejecting any part of our experience. Honestly, that’s a big deal for someone like me who’s previously rejected every part of myself.
Turning toward ourselves with care and understanding allows us to befriend ourselves — and isn't that at the heart of truly seeing and hearing our essence?
Through the eyes of self-compassion, we can approach our fears and self-criticisms with warmth and non judgment. We can tune into our true needs without the voices of doubt and self-loathing. We can make space for our true selves.
Cultivating Your Inner Voice
Our callings in life, the paths that will bring us the deepest fulfillment, don't lie in the frantic pursuit of more productivity and checked-off to-do lists. No, these callings live in the stillness at our center, where we house the experiences and expressions that will help us grow into our most authentic selves.
Let this be an invitation to create more intentional silence and space while quieting some of the noise of modern living.
Take time each day to pause, turn inward, and listen. Meditate, walk, write morning pages, or simply sit and breathe while you listen to the ocean. Create pockets of stillness and presence in your day to day.
Here are two simple ways to start cultivating that inner voice.
1. Take five minutes each morning before the masses wake up to sit on your own in stillness. You might like to have a coffee and sit or to journal your consciousness before being caught up in the day's busyness. I like to sit with a cup of coffee or a tea and just enjoy the silence.
2. Set a reminder to stop a few times daily and take ten deep breaths. If sitting meditation feels too challenging at first, try a walking meditation, focusing your attention on the physical sensations of each step. And if the thought of ten deep breaths seems too much, start with one and build from there.
You don’t have to do both. Pick the one that seems more doable right now, given everything you have going on. Doing so will allow your real self to emerge with clarity and courage.
If you need help finding and making space for your authentic self, please get in touch. Together, we can create habits that work for you.
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